everything and nothing

I never think it'll happen again, but it does and it's strange and it hurts.

Growing, that is.

I'd put a lot of effort in becoming comfortable with myself and accepting that I am who I am. Embracing it, even. Allowing myself love and adventure and the company that comes along with them. I never thought I'd get to the point where I felt the need to turn myself off.

In deciding to write this I started to reflect upon past hurt and the people I used to say that'd caused it. Now I'm more inclined to take responsibility. I'll never deny myself the way I feel but I've learned that I need to be more cautious. Selfish, even.

The funny thing is: I feel like I've learned this lesson before. That other people will always think of themselves first and that I should do the same, too. That I should always keep myself at a healthy distance.

I don't like this. I don't like gaslighting my own feelings. I don't like stopping myself from loving anyone the absolute most that I can. But I also don't like opening myself up only for others to pretend I'm not there.

Until I find a balance, it's goodbye for now.

office life

Way back in February, our office hosted a "Formal V-neck Friday" (a spin on our regular "Formal Friday"). Shidume sent me the photos and as I compiled the snapshots together, I couldn't stop giggling over how fantastic our office is.

You guys... I WORK with these people!!!

dok suni

I've been on a Korean-food-kick ever since going with Anna at the beginning of the month. When my sister and I were in New York we had some pretty strong bi bim bap cravings (she's pregnant; I have no excuse) so we made sure to spend one of our nights at a Korean restaurant.



My favorite way to eat (any) food (but especially Korean) is family style. Between splitting the banchan, bi bim bap and japchae-- there was plenty to share and try together. Ginger cinnamon tea was just the perfect way to top it all off.

saturday

Next time, I'm bringing my bike.

the first time

I'd been to New York once before-- when I was 16-- but I never saw the Statue of Liberty. I finally made it out on the Staten Island Ferry one Sunday evening with friends.

It'll always be funny seeing famed monuments like this. In this instance, I spent my entire life anticipating an enormous, glory-filled representation of our country. What I got instead was the most gorgeous sunset view of a tiny Lady Liberty-- complete with beer, popcorn, and that evening's landfill shipment. 

O beautiful for spacious skies, indeed.