in which i explain

July 21, 2011
yaourt
A lot of things have gone wrong.

I blame myself for being so sporadic about my decisions but now that I know there's nothing I can do, I just have to try to find the next best thing.

Have you seen 500 Days of Summer, when Tom goes to Summer's party and the screen splits into "expectations" versus "reality." In my head, I can see both. Before coming to au pair I "expected" to be part of a new family. I love and cherish my Italian host family so much that I thought that living with a French family as an au pair would be the best way to discover a new country. I saw myself playing with the kids, trading American and French games, and living here so that my "work" with the kids wasn't work at all. Just being there, loving them, and starting a new adventure.

Now that I've been here for almost a month, the "reality" has kicked in. Upon moving here I wasn't given a room in the family's house as promised, but a room "in the back" of the hotel with the staff. The kids didn't listen, they fought and hit all the time, they were disrespectful. I worked 9-10 hour days, the first two weeks without a single day off. I'd never wanted my time with the kids to be "work," but soon I felt like I was being taken advantage of since I worked so much. I felt like I'd been misled about what life would actually be like here. Last Monday, I spoke to the mother and explained that this wasn't the experience I'd come for and I didn't think this was what she wanted for her kids.

And so I'm leaving.

I asked to stay until the end of the month, but at the moment it looks like I might have to leave come Monday with no where to go. I'm not writing this for criticism or sympathy, just to explain and be honest.

My flight home isn't until the end of August, so I'm not sure where this turn of events will take me. I'm scared and excited. Maybe more scared. But this is an adventure, right?

PS - Thank you for all of your loving comments on the last post. Even with my vagueness I couldn't believe how much love can be found via the internet.

PPS - The photo is of some of the French yogurt here. It is by far the best yogurt I've ever had, and it's simple things like this yogurt that are keeping me afloat.
labels: ,

20 comments:

  1. Noodles and WafflesJuly 21, 2011 at 4:29 AM

    This is already an adventure and look what you've learned so far. So many people are miserable and don't change anything...you're already a step ahead of them. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bee.July 21, 2011 at 4:49 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that it wasn't what you expected. By the sounds of things, you're certainly making the right decision. You shouldn't be there if you aren't integrated and respected. I hope you have every success in what you choose to do next (:

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kalei's Best FriendJuly 21, 2011 at 5:47 AM

    Phew!, at first I thought your disappointment had to do w/your relationship w/your love... Now that you explain that the job wasn't what it was, now i can see it clearly... As far as the kids not minding, I think it was their way of breaking you in, to see if you could cut the muster as they say.. Things happen for a reason.. Maybe it was meant for you to experience this way of life, I am hoping there was a language barrier and meanings were not explained well to you.. I would not like to think that they pulled something over you... When you come back I bet you will have stories to tell your family and your bf...This is just a bump in your journey, girl!. A life lesson...no harm, no foul...

    ReplyDelete
  4. jackieJuly 21, 2011 at 5:57 AM

    well, i guess now you can wander to your heart's content! it's beautiful down here in antibes, so maybe you could wander down to the mediterranean for a little bit. spend some days in the sun and the sea.

    but i understand that it's a disappointment and a lotta bit scary. if you really need to, you can change your flight home, usually for a couple hundred dollars, but i think you should just take it as an adventure. see where the beautiful french summer takes you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. StellaJuly 21, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    I'm so sorry to read this. And you were so excited about being an au pair too! I know it's hard, but just forget it. See it as a learning experience. You have until the end of August to undertake an excellent adventure! I'm sure you'll come out alright in the end :)

    Internet hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownJuly 21, 2011 at 6:29 AM

    You can always do a little trekking and find some hostels to stay in while you explore France. Always options, Celeste. You're a brave and intelligent young woman. You will make this work, like you always do. Start the research right now into the location of a few hostels. If worse comes to worse, you could probably stay in a hotel for a bit?

    ReplyDelete
  7. MaddyJuly 21, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    well good for you! i know the au pair job probably pays money but you get almost a month of fun in Europe! I think you'll have great adventures.. but most important is that you took the time to figure out what you want and you went for it! you weren't happy so you're changing it, and that is the best way to do it. I hope everything works out :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jenni Austria GermanyJuly 21, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    Oh goodness....I'm emailing you right now.....I'm a nomad myself at the moment but emailing you nonetheless.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:21 AM

    oh em gee. Celeste, I'm really sorry about how things are going but as I perceived life, this was meant to happen. maybe something better will come along the way? I hope you find a place to stay!

    adventures are great though, i know you'll enjoy the rest of the stay there :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love or NothingJuly 21, 2011 at 8:58 AM

    It's amazing that you followed your heart to go in the first place, and just unfortunate that the family didn't accept you as planned. But keep your head up and create another adventure out of it.. Soon enough you will be able to come home with more amazing stories (and hopefully photos). Keep us updated!

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnnaJuly 21, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    Next stop: Davis.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AlexJuly 21, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    I am so sorry that the experience wasn't what you were expecting, but as you said in your previous post, it just wasn't meant to be. I think this means there's something even BETTER out there for you to do! You're young, smart, and have a real thirst for life and adventure. It'll be ok :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. lilyJuly 21, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    i'm so sorry to hear that this experience has not turned out at all how you expected it to. however, when life throws curve balls at you like this i really believe they are the true opportunities for adventure and growth! i have no doubt that you will face this new path face first and with a smile. good luck celeste! i can't wait to hear what happens next!

    ReplyDelete
  14. cbJuly 21, 2011 at 10:58 AM

    you know what you got out of this.. experience and that is what life is alllll about! i am sure you have grown tremulously for just being there only a month. you went and you did it. nothing in life always works out but you can say you did it and it just wasn't for you. you are so brave to have gone and i am so proud of you!

    welcome back and maybe someday you will go back and it will be different!

    xo,
    cb

    ReplyDelete
  15. KatJuly 21, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    i say explore. if you have any money, maybe go to the french countryside and rent out a cheap room? i think being broke is actually one of the best and worst experiences at the same time. it drives you to do things you'd never do otherwise, which can be good and bad. but honestly, depending on how much stuff you have, it's easy to sleep in public places if you don't have a place to stay.. i don't know, this probably isn't very helpful. i'm sorry. but i hope you get out of this in a good way that leads to good stories and experiences..

    good luck celeste! i hope things go better from now on!

    ReplyDelete
  16. MichelleJuly 21, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    sending you lots more love, Celbelle! things will work out... they always do. and you have such a big heart for traveling and adventure, that i'm sure you'll make it work. explore other options and stay until the end of August! maybe try a hostel? or the website you gave me to see if anyone can take you last minute? let me know if there's anything i can do to help, LOVE YOU

    ReplyDelete
  17. beccaJuly 22, 2011 at 11:50 AM

    Celeste, aw. That really is such a bummer. I'm really sorry about how your Au Pair experience turned out :(

    ReplyDelete
  18. Heather ALCORNJuly 22, 2011 at 1:50 PM

    So proud of you for trying Celeste, you are truly inspirational in your ability to explore. I also appreciate that you are willing to be honest in your experience. All too often we try to complete something that we hate, just to see it through. I know everything will work out and everything happens for a reason! hugs, Heather

    ReplyDelete
  19. MackenzieJuly 22, 2011 at 7:10 PM

    aw, celeste. i can totally understand this. i had a very similar experience last summer. but it's these moments that really help shape what you really want and they end up being really eye opening experiences in retrospect. i really hope everything works out for you!

    ReplyDelete
  20. paddle to shoreJuly 29, 2011 at 1:01 AM

    Aw. I'm so sorry to read this, Celeste. I know things will work out for you, and you'll enjoy yourself throughout the month of August regardless of what just happened. You are always full of adventure, and I'm sure your journey will continue. You should definitely keep exploring your current surroundings (and taking pictures) until your flight back home, at the end of August. I'm wishing you lots of luck. Kim xo

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)